Crime Prevention Domestic Violence

The Cycle of Domestic Violence

The Cycle of Domestic Violence usually occurs in four phases: Tension Building Phase, The Incident, Reconciliation and Calm.

The cycle can happen hundreds of times in an abusive relationship. Each stage lasts a different amount of time in a relationship, with the total cycle taking from a few hours to a year or more to complete.

It is important to remember that not all domestic violence relationships fit the cycle. Often, as time goes on, the reconciliation and calm stages may disappear.

INCIDENT

Any type of abuse occurs (physical, sexual, emotional)

TENSION BUILDING

Tension starts to build
Minor incident begins
Breakdown of communication
Victim feels the need to placate the abuser
Tension becomes unbearable

RECONCILIATION

Abuser apologizes for abuse
Promises it will never happen again
Blames victim for provoking abuse
Denies abuse took place or that it is as bad as victim claims
Gift giving by abuser

CALM

Incident is "forgotten"
No abuse is taking place
Some promises made during reconciliation are met
Hope on the part of the victim that the abuse is over

From:
Domestic Abuse Intervention Project
206 West Fourth Street
Duluth, Minnesota 55806

Power & Control

This diagram was created by the Duluth Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, Duluth, Minnesota, as part of its program to help people convicted of domestic assault learn to identify their violent behaviours and alternatives to violence.

The wheel maps violence into eight sectors:

Coercion and threats
Intimidation
Economic abuse
Emotional abuse
Gender-privilege
Isolation
Using children
Minimizing, denying and blaming

The respective target behaviour for each sector is:

Negotiation and fairness
Non-threatening behaviour
Economic partnership
Respect
Shared responsibility
Trust and support
Responsible parenting
Honesty and accountability

CONTROL & ABUSE (Destructive)	EQUALITY (Constructive)
Using coercion and threats making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt threatening to leave victim, to commit suicide, to report victim to welfare making victim drop charges making victim do illegal things	Negotiation and fairness seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict accepting change being willing to compromise
Using intimidation making victim afraid by using looks, actions, gestures smashing things destroying victim's property abusing pets displaying weapons	Non-threatening behaviour talking and acting so that victim feels safe and comfortable expressing oneself and doing things
Using economic abuse preventing victim from getting or keeping a job making victim ask for money giving victim an allowance taking victim's money not letting victim know about or have access to family income	Economic partnership making money decisions together making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements �
Using emotional abuse putting victim down making victim feel bad about self - calling victim names making victim think she's crazy playing mind games humiliating victim making victim feel guilty	Respect listening to victim non-judgmentally being emotionally affirming and understanding valuing opinions
Using gender privilege treating victim like a servant making all the big decisions acting like the 'master of the house' being the one to define male and female roles	Shared responsibility mutually agreeable on a fair distribution of work making family decisions together
Using isolation controlling what victim does, who victim sees and talks to, what victim reads, where victim goes limiting victim outside involvement using jealousy to justify actions	Trust and support supporting victim's goals in life respecting victim's right to own feelings, friends, activities and opinions
Using children making victim feel guilty about the children using the children to relay messages using visitation to harass victim threatening to take the children away	Responsible parenting sharing parental responsibilities being a positive non-violent role model for the children
Minimizing, denying and blaming making light of the abuse and not taking victim's concerns about it seriously saying the abuse didn't happen shifting responsibility for abusive behaviour saying victim caused it	Honesty and accountability accepting responsibility for self acknowledging past use of violence admitting being wrong communicating openly and truthfully